Wondering

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I guess it drew you far from me.

I can't say that I've done nothing wrong, and I've thought about it constantly.

I've tried to mend the once beautiful bond, but it feels like I have failed.

Cuz right now you're not reciprocating. Sadly, I think you've bailed.

Friday the 13th.

I actually didn't realize it was Friday the 13th last May 13, 2011. I guess I thought more of the impromptu speech that I was going to deliver that afternoon than what the day/date was. Sadly, thinking about it more didn't save me from delivering a "FAIL" speech. Take note of the quotation marks because I didn't really fail that midterm exam officialgrade-wise, but I didn't deliver my speech as well as I thought I could. The topic was about the implementation of a dress code in UP and it required me to defend my stand whether I approve of it or not. I was given 5 minutes to prepare for it. I decided that I was against the dress code because it prevented students from expressing themselves. "It is an expression of their individuality. Blah Blah." Unfortunately, the messy outline that I made was a speech that lasted for 2 minutes. I blanked out! I repeated a few of my points and said some verbal fillers and fortunately I went beyond the minimum time. A bit embarrassed, I got off the stage - THEN I remembered what I actually wanted to say and it ~x( me. (I couldn't think of the right word for that now. LOL.) Oh well, I guess I'm not really a good impromptu speaker. :))

After everyone delivered their speeches, we had an activity. It was an ETHOS activity and we were to arrange ourselves in a circle and pass around a paper with our creative name designs and people were going to write their comments about you. I was pretty excited for the activity because the last time I did that was in 3rd year, when I was a new student in the montessori. One of the comments I received that I never forgot was that I had my own world (May sarili kang mundo). When I got that I thought to myself, "I'm autistic?" O.O I don't mean to offend those with autism, but it was just that my highschool literature teacher used that word to refer to people who had their own world because children with autism act like they "have their own world". You know what I mean. Anyway, I wanted to see how my college classmates perceived me. So we did the activity. I didn't notice the time but I think the activity went on for 30 minutes. When I got my paper, I smiled. ACTUALLY, I laughed. :)) I couldn't believe the comments. It was sweet, funny, flattering, sweet..(infinity x). I didn't get a negative comment. Thing is, I hope all the comments they wrote were true! :)) The top comment I got was about my talent a.k.a voice. The sum of what they said about it is that I have a nice voice and I should be more confident about it. Hmm. More confident. Hmm. I'll try to be. Once I really acknowledge that I really have a nice voice. O.O *sighs* Believing comments about my singing is really hard for me. Hmm. I'll try to be. Hmm. I don't know if they know this.. but everything they told me really made me happy. It's what I needed after the fail speech. It's what I needed to know although I can't fully acknowledge till now. But I love my blockmates. :) I love my friends. I love everyone who have been there for me and believed in me. :)

So who said Friday the 13th was bad luck?

Missing you.

Before I start cramming for my exam tomorrow, I want to get a few things out of my chest. The emotions are building up and I really need to release 'em. What's better than to write it, to pour everything on a piece of paper, well, in this case a blog. Hmm. Anyway....

As I walked through the gates of our home, it felt like there was something missing. Something that should have been there that wasn't. Yes, the car wasn't in the driveway, but it really didn't bother me. Then what could have been missing? Well, it's something that'll greet you whenever you come in. Something that tries to sneak in the house and needs to be bribed with a slice of bread to get out. Something that's ecstatic to see you. Something which actually feels like a SOMEONE. A part of the family, a part of our home, something that will indeed be missed - my dog, RAMBO. He died last night, around 11:45. When I came back from Ilocos, I saw him lying down, already feeling weak. I was pretty sleepy, so I didn't really notice how weak he was really feeling. I thought he was just intentionally blocking the way as he would always do to earn doggie treats. When my father got him to move away from the door, I saw Rambo limping. My dad said Rambo had been sick for the past few days. He wasn't that weak when I left to Ilocos, so I guess he got really sick while I was away. The vet already gave him some medicine, but I guess it was too late. Rambo was rather old in doggie years and it was too late. He was just too weak. It's so sad. :( I miss my doggy. I actually feel sorry that I took him for granted. I'm always busy with school and other things that I rarely play with him... and... now... he's... gone. *sighs* I'll miss you Rambo. I love you and I'm sorry if you never really felt it lately. *sighs* Because of that, I won't be buying a dog anytime soon.

Bye Bye Rambo. :(

Rambo

(December 2008 - May 2, 2011)

What About Love

"What about love?

What about feeling?

What about all the things that make life worth living?

What about faith?

What about trust?

And tell me baby what about us?"

-What About Love, Lemar

The song's relaxing and rather cute. :P I just hope people actually think of those things when they enter a relationship.

Change

I admit, I am a talkative person, especially when I'm with my close friends. I tell them almost everything I feel or experience. I inherited this trait from my grandmother, at least that's what my mother says when I "debate" with her. :)) However, I think my life is not completely an open book. I still have my secrets. :-" There are still things I don't tell my close friends, something that belongs to my secret archives and my messy room. I won't expound on that because I don't want to give you a clue on the things I keep secret. ;)

Then why did I even mention it? Well, if I were given a choice, I would want to be invisible. I want to be doing my own thing free from other people's eyes and comments. I'm done being a person who longs for attention. I'm done being a person who wants to have a lot of friends, who would do everything she could to have more and more friends. I just want to give up this part of me that longs to be popular. As what a handful of my friends know, I wanted to be an actress and singer before. It never came to fruition though, I just wasn't good enough. I didn't have sufficient self-esteem and confidence to join contests and audition. I did join a singing contest in our school once. It was just because of my class adviser who persuaded me to join. He really believed in me and I thank him for that. I thank him for making me feel what I've been yearning to feel before. But that's all over. I'm ready to be a doctor. So right now, I decide to stop all things that still supports this part of me that made me that way. I'll put it in a little box and store it in a musty old cabinet. I guess when all my doctor-related dreams are fulfilled, I'll open that old box of dreams, smile, and say "Hey. You were part of my life, 10 years ago." :)

Anyway, what I just told you is one of the things I keep secret, but it's not really a secret. :)) Some of my friends already know this and now YOU know. Haha.

Toodles! Until next blog, I guess it'll no longer be "New Blogs Every Tuesday", but "New Blogs Every Time-I'm-Not-Busy." :P

New Year's Resolution FAIL

Haha. It has been 2 months since I last blogged. Obviously, I haven't been following my New Year's Resolution. I'd been busy with school for the past months. Every week is what we university students would call HELL WEEK. Exams. Exams. Exams. The worst week was when we had 6 exams! O.O Now, we're on our 1-week vacation. *WHEW* Next week, we're going back to the same old routine . I dunno if I'm ready to go back, but I have to. We have to. Once the summer sem's over, we're officially COLLEGE JUNIORS and after 4 sems, UP GRADUATES.

Aja, Aja, FIGHTING! *in a pseudo-korean accent*

Party, Party. :P

Last night, I attended the debut party of my former blockmate, Venus B. Chi and I came 2 hours late, but we still were able to catch up with the fun! :D So, as what I would do in every party I attend, I took a lot of pictures. Unfortunately, after taking around 50-something photos, my camera broke! O.O Well, the lcd did. It kinda lost it's "brightness"; hence, I could barely see anything. Nevertheless, the party was still fun despite the broken camera lcd. Haha.

Soooo, yeaaaah, we made the most of our time spent with socami before it left us. Here are some of our "cool" secret photos. :> LOL.

Btw, watch our upcoming TV series: MAGKARIBAL! :))

Few pics of the cast: :))